Surviving Divorce After An Abusive Marriage
Surviving divorce after an abusive marriage is extremely difficult for the entire family. Divorce hurts all the people in the family. And sometimes the wounds of divorce are deep and take years to heal.
While emotionally abusive marriages are difficult to explain, physically abusive marriage sometimes end in death. Hence it is necessary to understand the exact meaning of abuse: arguing and neglecting is not always considered abuse, being severely hurt physically or mentally is.
Threatening and calling names are also cases of verbal abuse, for example. Abuse may start when the couple tries to sort out an argument in a harsh manner.
Note that it is also extremely difficult to be a child of divorced parents. A simple argument between parents also greatly affects the emotional health of the child. Divorce destroys a relationship. The child feels scared, and the parents are disturbed emotionally. Depression is often a common symptom at such times. In fact, research shows that the action of parents after divorce often disturb children even more than the adults.
Abusive couples tend to express mainly three types of behavior: the parents are argumentative, cooperating or disengagement. And the action of the parents depends on the level of maturity of the people. Note the following points as well:
* Abusive relationships can sometimes be a result of one of the partners having experienced child abuse. Either the child was spoilt and had a habit of doing all the things, as he or she liked or an insecure childhood.
* You need to be extremely careful about how you behave with your child while surviving divorce after an abusive marriage. It is very hard for the child since his or her basic security is threatened and the child needs and seeks out both parents.
* Keep a cool and calm mind during difficult and disturbing situations and allow your children to meet your partner. Do not object or refuse. Children do not want to hear anything bad about any parent since they are equally loyal to both.
* A child will feel betrayed if you prohibit him or her from meeting your partner and will move away from you emotionally. Do not ask your child to give a message to the other parent. Do not bring the child between both of you in any way. Trying to change any legal arrangements will get your child confused.
* The most important tip while surviving divorce after an abusive marriage is to forget the past and to move ahead in life. Own up to your own faults and do not think about money and anger; instead focus on improving your own life.
* Anger and frustration can create many problems. Do not take out your anger on your child. Use your anger to make a difference for the better in the present and the future and get a counselor to help you in matters you cannot handle. It was nobody’s fault; it was just something that went wrong in your life. Take it as a lesson and learn from it. If you are finding it difficult to cope up with your present life then it is essential that you seek help. Try a divorce recovery class.