Common Adoption Myths

For every successful adoption story that we hear, there remain many unheard of stories wherein families wanting to adopt a child remain undecided because of the numerous myths associated with adoption. Only by dispelling some of these common myths can we help families make a more informed decision about adopting a child.

• Many families are under the impression that most birth mothers are teenagers and wonder if they will be able to actively participate in creating any kind of adoption plan. However, statistics reveal the most birth mothers are in fact between the ages of 19 and 30. They are mature adults who have given considerable thought to the realities of life and to the kind of challenges that they will face in raising a child. Only after careful consideration do many of them come to the conclusion that adoption may give their child a better life. In fact, most of them want an active role not just in the adoption plan but also in facilitating the emotional well-being of the child.
• The other more damaging myth is that the adoption process can take a long time to come through, at times taking years. In domestic adoption, a prospective birth mother chooses you based on the profile you have entered of yourself and your family as well as the kind of baby you are looking for. In fact, some domestic adoption processes can be completed within a matter on months.
• Many families are afraid that the birth parents can always show up and reclaim their baby. If the adoption has been done legally, in consultation with reputable adoption agencies and attorneys, you can be rest assured that as adoptive parents, you have full parental rights to your adopted child as soon as the formalities of adoption are completed. Of course, before that, some states do offer a brief period of revocation during which the birth mother can actually revoke her consent.  But once the adoption is finalized, you are the child’s sole legal guardians.
• Closely connected to the fears mentioned above is the impression some parents have that closed adoptions are better than open ones. They believe that cutting off their adopted child completely from the birth parents will allow them to move on with lives and will also allow the child to adjust better with his or her new life. However, every child and every adoption situation is different and only after speaking to the child and consulting some experts should you decide what is best for the child’s growth and emotional well-being – a closed or open adoption.
• An even more damaging perception is that adopted children have adjustment issues and suffer from behavioral problems. Research over the years has completely debunked this myth and shown how adopted children are very well-adjusted, mainly because most adoptive parents are mature, financially stable and able to give the time their children need to adjust into a new family.
• Finally, many families are wary of the financial burden of adoption. This again can vary from case to case. While some domestic cases of adoption can cost less than $10,000, international adoption costs can go up to $30,000. However, if families use the financial aid provided by government agencies and other non-profit organizations, they may not have to bear the burden of those costs all alone.